A mountain drawing.
I have a photo of myself standing on a cliff at sunset.
The sunset is bright and beautiful.
My husband and I are in the dark.
I’m sitting there looking at the sun.
I say to myself, I’m gonna go to bed.
I’ll wake up when I’m in the room with my family.
We’re in the mountains, just outside of San Francisco.
I look at my face and I say, this is a beautiful day.
We climb down the mountain to a little cafe and we make some coffee.
I wake up and my husband says, ‘What are you doing?’
I say: I’m looking at my photo.
We go outside and there are three people sitting on a bench.
We tell them we are going to the hospital, and we’re not going.
The doctor tells them: ‘It’s the end of the world.
The sun is shining.’
So I say that.
And we are sitting on the bench and the sun is still shining.
I ask them: What do you want to see?
And they say, ‘A mountain drawing.’
We go to see a mountain.
I want to make a drawing.
So I walk around the mountain and I start drawing mountains.
The first mountain is on the right.
I am on the left side.
The second mountain is in the middle of the mountain.
The third mountain is a little bit to the right, and it’s on the edge of the cliff.
I start putting in dots.
I think it’s a drawing, but it’s really a drawing that I made myself.
I sit there with my husband and we talk about it, and then I go to sleep.
I go back to the drawing, and the next morning I am doing it again.
I walk in front of a tree and the tree is looking up at me.
I draw in the tree, and my wife says, it’s looking up.
I make a picture of myself on the tree.
It’s like I’m being seen.
We talk about that, and a few days later I say it’s going to be like this.
So what am I doing?
I’m not doing it for any good reason.
It is the way I have been feeling all my life.
I just don’t want to go through the pain of thinking, ‘Oh my God, this can’t be me.’
I want it to be something that will change me.
So, I think about what my life would be like if I was a mountain and it turned out that I had made a mistake.
I see it on the outside, and I just want to draw it out.
And so, I say what I am thinking.
I feel like this drawing is gonna change me in a big way.
I keep saying to myself: It’s a mountain, and if I don’t draw a mountain out of my life, what am a mountain?
And I start thinking about the mountain that I’ve drawn.
I get so much inspiration from this drawing.
The more I draw, the more it becomes a part of me.
And I just start getting that feeling in my bones.
I can’t do that.
It doesn’t matter if it’s my drawing or what I draw.
It makes me feel better.
But I can never forget the mountain, the mountain drawing that we did in our house.
It was so important to me.
We were living in a house in the San Francisco hills.
We would take a hike and go out to eat, and there would be some trees down the road.
I had a drawing in my mind about drawing the tree and I would sit down and draw the tree out.
I would keep drawing, trying to find the right picture and the right drawing.
And the more I was drawing, the better it became.
I’d get that feeling, and that feeling is why I’m a mountain draw.
I was drawn to the mountain by my wife.
I never saw her as a mother.
She was always there for me, even if she wasn’t there for my drawing.
We grew up together, and she was always helping me.
When I first moved to California, I thought I’d never go back, because she was going to have a baby.
She had already had two kids, and all I wanted to do was help her.
I told her, ‘I’m gonna move back to where I grew up, but you’re going to still have to take care of me.’
She said, ‘But I’ll be your mother.
And you can come back.’
I said, I don’s, and her eyes just lit up and she said, “I want you to be my mom.
We’ll make you the mother of the family.”
And I knew that’s what I wanted.
I knew what she wanted.
She would be the mother.
I could feel the love that she was giving me.
She’s like the mother that my husband gave me.
It changed everything. The last